Love And Correspondence Before Marriage: Young Man Falling In Love With Neighbour's Daughter etc
Islamic Rulings -
Living Shariah Verdicts
Islamic Questions & Answers
I am a young man and fell in love with our
neighbour's daughter. That went on for two years
without her knowing and without me telling her or
anyone among my family, and without me meeting her. I
was hoping that she would become my wife. Then I had a
car accident that left me with extensive injuries and
I became almost disabled. I was very worried because
the dream that I had of marrying that girl seemed to
be slipping away, then suddenly m my sister asked me
to tell her frankly what was worrying me, and I told
her what was on my mind. My sister said to me: I am
going to tell her of your love for her and after that
she can choose. The surprise was that she also loved
me, and we began to exchange messages of love via my
sister (messages that were, by Allaah, noble and
chaste). After two years I proposed marriage to her
and she agreed, praise be to Allaah. After one year we
got married and we lived happily, and during that
period I only saw her from afar, because they are our
neighbours and we would meet by accident. I never
spoke to her except on the wedding night. I have heard
that because of our love for one another we have
committed a sin. Is this correct? What is the
expiation for that sin?.
Praise be to Allaah.
Firstly:
We ask Allaah to reward you for the calamity that
befell you, and to increase the love between you and
your wife.
Secondly:
A person cannot be blamed for love that he does not
cause, such as if he sees a girl by accident and his
heart is filled with love for her, but he does not do
anything haraam such as looking repeatedly or shaking
hands or being alone with her, or exchanging emotional
words with her. As for the love that stems from
repeated looking, haraam mixing or correspondence, the
one who does that is sinning to the extent that he
does haraam things in his relationship and love.
Thirdly:
Correspondence between the sexes is not permissible,
because that provokes temptation and usually results
in evil. If a man corresponds with a non-mahram woman
in letters that are not seen by anyone else, that
leads to many evils. Islam forbids a woman to be alone
with a man who is not her mahram because of the fitnah
(temptation) and bad things that result from that,
such as attachment and the desire to look and touch,
etc. All of this results from the man talking to the
woman in these private letters or conversations,
especially if they are young and at an age when desire
is strong.
Shaykh Ibn Jibreen (may Allaah preserve him) was
asked: What is the ruling on correspondence between
young men and young women, if this correspondence is
free from immorality, love and desire?
He replied: It is not permissible for any person to
correspond with a woman who is not his mahram, because
of the temptation involved in that. The person may
think that there is no temptation, but the shaytaan
will keep trying until he tempts him through her, and
tempts her through him. The Prophet (peace and
blessings of Allaah be upon him) told the one who
hears of the Dajjaal to keep away from him, and he
said that a man may come to him as a believer but the
Dajjaal will keep trying until he tempts him and
confuses him.
There is a great deal of temptation and danger in
correspondence between young men and women which means
that it has to be avoided, even though the questioner
says that there was no love or desire involved. End
quote from Fataawa al-Mar'ah, compiled by Muhammad al-Musnid,
p. 96.
The woman is forbidden to speak softly to one who is
not permissible for her, as Allaah says
(interpretation of the meaning):
"be not soft in speech, lest he in whose heart is a
disease (of hypocrisy, or evil desire for adultery)
should be moved with desire, but speak in an
honourable manner"
[al-Ahzaab 33:32]
And it is haraam for a man to enjoy listening to the
speech or voice of a non-mahram woman.
Making your sister the go-between in passing on the
letters is another evil, because that is encouraging
her to engage in this kind of activity.
Based on this, what you have to do is repent to Allaah,
and do a lot of righteous deeds, but you do not have
to do anything else.
And Allaah knows best.
©
EsinIslam.Com
Add Comments