Islamic Rulings -
Living Shariah Verdicts
Islamic Questions & Answers
I am 12 years old and I live
with an atheist father and a Christian mother. I
embraced Islam recently, but my parents did not
welcome my embracing Islam. Even worse than that: they
stopped me from reading Qur'aan, going to Islamic
websites, telling people that I am Muslim and meeting
Muslims, whether on the Internet or in real life. They
also prevent me from wearing modest clothing, and many
other things. The reason for that is stupid and
irrational Islamophobia. I have tried to show them
what Islam really is, but nothing I say or do can
change their minds.
In fact, they are now trying to
show me how they despise Islam in all their words and
deeds, such as making stupid jokes about terrorism and
even reviling Allah and His Messenger (blessings and
peace of Allah be upon him) in the most offensive
words.
The problem is getting worse,
because as I am still young, I cannot do anything
without my father's help. For example, there is no
Islamic clothing available for sale here, because
there are so few Muslims. Hence I have no choice but
to buy hijab through the Internet, and I need to use
their credit cards in order to make the purchase. I am
also studying in a Christian school and I need their
help to change schools, as I cannot do that myself.
They do not let me leave the house on my own, hence I
need them to take me to the mosque… and so on. Because
they do not agree, this means that I am not able to
follow the deen completely. They also force me to do
things that are contrary to Islam, such as going to
the church, dancing, and wearing clothes that leave my
arms, legs and head partially or completely naked.
I am worried about this
situation, because the Qur'aan enjoins us to obey and
to respect our parents and treat them kindly, but it
does not show any compromise when it has to do with
those who hate Islam. I do not know what to do. If I
obey my parents, I will be doing a lot of things that
are contrary to Islam. If I respect them, I will be
respecting people who do not respect me as a Muslim,
and I will be leaving them to say those terrible
things about Islam. But if I do not obey them and
respect them, then I will be doing something terrible
from an Islamic point of view. I believe that both
actions are wrong. What should I do? May Allah bless
you.
Praise be to Allah.
1. We were very happy to receive your letter with the
good news that you have entered Islam. We believe that
your joy in belonging to Islam is joy that will last a
lifetime. The greatest blessing that Allah can bestow
upon any of His slaves is to guide him and open his
heart to Islam. We ask Allah to complete and perfect
the blessing of faith and well-being for you and to
make you steadfast in following it until the Day when
you meet the Lord of the Worlds.
2. We are very happy to learn that you love Islam and
want to adhere to its laws. We think that this is a
sign of blessing that Allah has bestowed upon you. We
also feel that you have tasted the sweetness of faith
at a time when many of those who belong to Islam in
name only are deprived of it.
3. We are very sad to learn about your parents and
their disbelief in Allah, may He be exalted, and we
are even more sad to learn of their reviling Allah,
may He be exalted and His Messenger Muhammad
(blessings and peace of Allah be upon him), even
though Allah is their Lord, Creator and Provider and
the Prophet Muhammad (blessings and peace of Allah be
upon him) is the Seal of the Prophets, concerning whom
Allah took a covenant from every Prophet – and, by
implication, their followers -- that they would follow
His Prophet Muhammad (blessings and peace of Allah be
upon him), if Muhammad was sent when they were still
alive. Allah says (interpretation of the meaning):
“And
(remember) when Allah took the Covenant of the
Prophets, saying: ‘Take whatever I gave you from the
Book and Hikmah (understanding of the Laws of Allah),
and afterwards there will come to you a Messenger
(Muhammad
صلى
الله عليه وسلم)
confirming what is with you; you must, then, believe
in him and help him.’ Allah said: ‘Do you agree (to
it) and will you take up My Covenant (which I conclude
with you)?’ They said: ‘We agree.’ He said: ‘Then bear
witness; and I am with you among the witnesses (for
this).’
82. Then
whoever turns away after this, they are the Faasiqoon
(rebellious: those who turn away from Allaah’s
obedience).
83. Do they
seek other than the religion of Allah (the true
Islamic Monotheism __ worshipping none but Allah
Alone), while to Him submitted all creatures in the
heavens and the earth, willingly or unwillingly. And
to Him shall they all be returned.”
[Aal ‘Imraan 3:81-83].
And the Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon
him) told us that whoever hears of him but does not
follow him or believe in him, Allah will forbid
Paradise to him:
It was narrated from Abu Hurayrah (may Allah be
pleased with him) that the Messenger of Allah
(blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) said:
“By
the One in Whose hand is the soul of Muhammad, no one
among this nation, Jew or Christian, hears of me then
dies not believing in that with which I was sent, but
he will be one of the people of the Fire.”
Narrated by Muslim, 153.
Imam al-Nawawi (may Allah have mercy on him) said:
The words of the Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah
be upon him),
“no one
among this nation... hears of me... ”
mean: anyone who is alive during my lifetime and
afterwards, until the Day of Resurrection; all of them
are obliged to obey me. He only mentioned the Jews and
Christians by way of example, but it includes all
others, because the Jews and Christians have a
Scripture; if this is the case with regard to them,
even though they have a Scripture, then it applies
even more so to those who did not have a Scripture.
And Allah knows best. Sharh Muslim.
4. We understand very well the difficulty of the
circumstances in which you find yourself, and we ask
Allah, may He be glorified and exalted, to make things
easy for you and to grant you relief and a way out
from the situation that you are in. But even though
your situation is difficult, it is not confusing or
unclear. First and foremost, you are enjoined to obey
Allah, may He be glorified and exalted, in that which
He has enjoined upon you. So do what He has enjoined
upon you of acts of worship and avoid that which He
has forbidden to you of haraam things. This alone is
the way of guidance. Allah says (interpretation of the
meaning):
“Say: Obey
Allah and obey the Messenger, but if you turn away, he
(Messenger Muhammad
صلى الله عليه وسلم)
is only responsible for the duty placed on him (i.e.
to convey Allah’s Message) and you for that placed on
you. If you obey him, you shall be on the right
guidance. The Messenger’s duty is only to convey (the
message) in a clear way (i.e. to preach in a plain
way)”
[al-Noor 24:54].
Even though you are enjoined to treat your parents
kindly and keep good company with them, even if they
are disbelievers, that does not mean that you should
disobey your Lord in order to please them or that you
should put obedience towards them before obedience
towards Allah, may He be exalted; rather obedience
towards Allah and obedience towards His Messenger
takes precedence over all things and over obedience
towards anyone. Allah says (interpretation of the
meaning):
“And We
have enjoined on man to be good and dutiful to his
parents; but if they strive to make you join with Me
(in worship) anything (as a partner) of which you have
no knowledge, then obey them not. Unto Me is your
return and I shall tell you what you used to do”
[al-‘Ankaboot 29:8].
Ibn Katheer (may Allah have mercy on him) said:
Here Allah, may He be exalted, is commanding His
slaves to treat parents kindly, after urging them to
adhere to Tawheed (belief in His Oneness), because the
parents are the reason why a person exists and he is
obliged to treat them with the utmost kindness. But
despite this injunction to be kind, compassionate and
good towards them in return for their previous kind
treatment, He says
“but if they strive to make you join with Me (in
worship) anything (as a partner) of which you have no
knowledge, then obey them not”,
meaning: If they try to make you follow them in their
religion, if they are mushrikeen, then beware of doing
so and do not obey them in that, for you will all
return to Me on the Day of Resurrection, and I will
reward you for your kindness towards them and your
patience in adhering to your religion, and I will
gather you with the righteous, not with the group of
your parents, even if you were the closest of people
to them in this world, because on the Day of
Resurrection, each person will be gathered with those
whom he loves, namely spiritual love. Hence Allah says
(interpretation of the meaning):
“And for
those who believe (in the Oneness of Allah and the
other articles of Faith) and do righteous good deeds,
surely, We shall make them enter with (in the entrance
of) the righteous (in Paradise)”
[al-‘Ankaboot 29:9]. End quote.
Tafseer Ibn Katheer, 6/264-265
The Messenger of Allah (blessings and peace of Allah
be upon him) said:
“There is
no obedience if it involves disobedience towards
Allah; obedience is only in that which is right and
proper.”
Narrated by al-Bukhaari (7257) and Muslim (1840).
And he (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him)
said:
“There is
no obedience to any created being if it involves
disobedience to Allah, may He glorified and exalted.”
Narrated by Ahmad (1089); classed as Sahih by al-Albaani.
Based on that: if anything your parents tell you to do
contradicts the command of Allah and His Messenger,
then do not obey your parents; rather you should give
precedence to obeying Allah and His Messenger. There
is nothing wrong with that.
But this does not mean that all the rights of your
parents over you are waived; rather Allah, may He be
exalted, enjoins treating them kindly and in a good
manner despite that. Allah, may He be exalted, says
(interpretation of the meaning):
“But if
they (both) strive with you to make you join in
worship with Me others that of which you have no
knowledge, then obey them not; but behave with them in
the world kindly, and follow the path of him who turns
to Me in repentance and in obedience. Then to Me will
be your return, and I shall tell you what you used to
do”
[Luqmaan 31:15].
We believe that what we have explained to you of the
Islamic view of this problem will be sufficient to
offer you a solution, at least from a theoretical
point of view.
5. But there remains the practical aspect, which is
the most difficult aspect of your problem, because of
your particular circumstances and the fact that you
are very young, which means that you cannot be
independent and do what you think is correct. You
should remember that Allah will not give you a burden
that is greater than what you are able to bear. Allah
says (interpretation of the meaning):
“Allah
burdens not a person beyond his scope”
[al-Baqarah 2:286]
“Allah puts
no burden on any person beyond what He has given him”
[al-Talaaq 65:7]
“So
keep your duty to Allah and fear Him as much as you
can”
[al-Taghaabun 64:16]
And the Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon
him) said:
“If I
command you to do something, then do as much of it as
you can.”
Narrated by al-Bukhaari (6858) and Muslim (1337).
And the Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon
him) said:
“Allah has
forgiven my ummah for mistakes and forgetfulness, and
what they are forced to do.”
Narrated by Ibn Maajah (2045) and classed as saheeh by
al-Albaani in Sahih ibn Maajah.
6. As that is the case, you have to strive to do
everything you can of the Islamic obligations and
avoid everything that you can of haraam things. You
have to hasten to do that as much as you are able. If
they tell you not to pray in front of them, then pray
behind their backs. If they tell you not to wear
complete hijab or you are not able to get any Islamic
clothing, then make your clothing as close as possible
to Islamic clothing, even if you learn how to make
that for yourself or something close to it. If they
ask you to go to church, then make any excuse not to
go and avoid it as much as possible; make up excuses
which will get you out of that. Not all Christians in
the West, or in the East, go to church; rather it is
very few among them who do that.
Similarly, try to avoid parties in which there is
dancing and singing, and to avoid anything they tell
you to do which involves sin, by means of any excuse
that you can make up. If they force you to attend
parties, then avoid dancing, especially if that is
with men or in the presence of men. Pretend to be sick
or anything else that will get you out of it.
Whatever they force you to do of haraam things, then
do the minimum of it. Make your clothes as covering as
possible and on their special occasions do not stay at
their parties until the end. And do the same with
regard to all haraam things.
In general, strive to do whatever you can of Islamic
rituals and to avoid whatever you can avoid. If they
force you to do anything of that nature, then do it
outwardly only, and let your heart always be connected
to Allah and remembrance of Him, until Allah grants
you a way out of your situation. Be optimistic that a
way out will come soon and that after hardship comes
ease:
“And
whosoever fears Allah and keeps his duty to Him, He
will make a way for him to get out (from every
difficulty).
3. And He
will provide him from (sources) he never could
imagine. And whosoever puts his trust in Allah, then
He will suffice him. Verily, Allah will accomplish his
purpose. Indeed Allah has set a measure for all
things”
[al-Talaaq 65:2-3]
7. We advise you to keep in touch with Muslim sisters,
whether in real life or through the Internet. We also
advise you to contact Islamic websites that will help
you with your religious commitment and from which you
can learn to strengthen your faith and increase your
knowledge. If you can get in touch with an Islamic
centre that is close to you, that will be very good
insha Allah. Perhaps, because of their experience of
the local region and familiarity with a lot of these
problems, they will be able to offer more practical
help and solutions than we are able to.
8. Remember that some of those who came to Islam
before you went through difficult circumstances, as
they were punished and beaten by their parents and
deprived of their human rights, but they bore that
hardship with patience for the sake of Allah until the
help of Allah came to them and Allah saved them from
that situation and they prevailed by the blessing and
grace of Allah and became victorious. So do not
despair because of what has happened to you and do not
be upset by your situation, for Allah is taking care
of you and He hears and sees all. Be steadfast in
adhering to guidance and truth as those who came
before you were patient. Remember that this is a test
from Allah to show the sincerity of your faith and He
will give you the best reward for it in this world and
in the Hereafter. Perhaps Allah will send His help and
support to you sooner rather than later.
9. Your parents need you to save them from the fire of
Hell and the wrath of Allah, so we advise you to show
them the best image of a true Muslim woman, by
treating them kindly, honouring them, speaking gently
to them, taking care of their food and drink and
serving them. Perhaps they will think again and reduce
the pressure on you or stop it altogether. We also
advise you to pray sincerely and ask Allah to guide
them to Islam and bless them with faith, for that is
not difficult for Allah. Listen to this story:
Muslim (2491) narrated that Abu Hurayrah (may Allah be
pleased with him) said: I used to call my mother to
Islam when she was a mushrik. I called her one day and
she said to me something about the Messenger of Allah
(blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) that I
disliked. I came to the Messenger of Allah (blessings
and peace of Allah be upon him) weeping, and said: O
Messenger of Allah, I have been calling my mother to
Islam but she refuses. I called her today and she said
to me something about you that I disliked. Pray to
Allah to guide the mother of Abu Hurayrah. The
Messenger of Allah (blessings and peace of Allah be
upon him) said:
“O Allah,
guide the mother of Abu Hurayrah.”
I went out, feeling optimistic because of the du’aa’
of the Prophet of Allah (blessings and peace of Allah
be upon him). When I came near the door, I found it
closed. My mother heard my footsteps and said: Stay
where you are, O Abu Hurayrah! I heard the sound of
water. She did ghusl then she put on her chemise and
quickly put on her head cover, then she opened the
door and said: O Abu Hurayrah, I bear witness that
there is no god but Allah and I bear witness that
Muhammad is His slave and Messenger. He said: I went
back to the Messenger of Allah (blessings and peace of
Allah be upon him) and I came to him, weeping with
joy. I said: O Messenger of Allah, be of good cheer,
for Allah has answered your prayer and has guided the
mother of Abu Hurayrah. He praised and glorified Allah
and said good things.
10. We do not advise you to run away or leave home,
because the bad consequences of that greater than the
bad consequences of staying at home, and because
anyone who offers you refuge may expose himself to the
most severe punishment under the unjust law of your
country. We can offer you no advice except to be
patient and stop thinking about running away from
home.
We ask Allah, the Most High and All Powerful, to make
you steadfast in following guidance and to grant you
well being both spiritual and physical; we ask Him to
guide your parents to Islam and to give you the joy of
seeing them as righteous believers in this world and
in the Hereafter.
We hope that you will keep in touch with us, for we
all your family and your brothers. Perhaps, as the
result of the prayers of your brothers and sisters who
read your story, Allah will benefit you thereby and
grant you a way out of hardship by His blessing.
And Allah is the source of strength.
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EsinIslam.Com
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