When a woman is
married to a person in high position, she needs to
adjust to the demands of her new status. It may not be
so hard if a man assumes a high position after several
years of marriage. The couple would have known each
other very well and they would be familiar with what
each of them requires for a happy and settled home
life. It is when a woman finds herself married to a
president, a prince, a minister, etc. that adjustment
might not be easy. Hence, marital relations in palaces
of all types may often be hard. It is often the case
that families stay together because of public duty, or
because a break-up is too costly, socially or
materially.
Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) lived with his
first wife, Khadijah, for 25 years. After her death,
he married several wives, but he was with the first of
these, Sawdah, for several years before he married
again. All his marriages were necessitated by
legislative, social or political reasons. This means
that each one of his wives realized at the time of her
marriage that she was being married to a person who
received direct revelations from God. This was a far
more honorable position than that of any king or
emperor. How could they adjust to their new positions?
What sort of training did they need for such
adjustment?
Umar ibn Al-Khattab tells us of an occasion when he
was at home thinking about a problem he was facing
when his wife asked him what was on his mind. He told
her that it was none of her business. She said: “How
could you say that when your daughter, Hafsah, would
ask her husband, the Prophet, about his affairs and
would object to something he might wish?” Shocked,
Umar went to his daughter and asked her if that was
true. She confirmed that it was. Umar counseled his
daughter not to do this again, reminding her that
should she be divorced, her position with God and the
Muslim community would be greatly undermined. Umar
further asked another of the Prophet’s wives, Umm
Salamah, about this, because she was related to him.
She confirmed it and he tried to counsel her, but she
said: “How strange that you, Umar, are trying to
interfere between God’s messenger and his wives?”
What this tells us is that life in the Prophet’s
home was just as normal as it was, and remains, in
most families. A married couple may have the
occasional disagreement, and if a wife feels that she
did not receive what she wants, she may be upset with
her husband. She may object to a decision he might
have taken, and tries to persuade him to change it. If
she fails, she may decide not to speak to him, or she
may sulk for a while. A little later, things may sort
themselves out. The fact that the other party was
God’s messenger did not affect this relationship. They
looked at it as a normal married life. Thus, the
position of the Prophet as God’s messenger disappears,
and what is left is the relationship between a man and
his wife.
In the Prophet’s case, this was governed by his
advice to us all: “The best of you is the one who is
best to his wife and family. I am the best of you to
my wives and family.” This Hadith sets a principle
that the best of all people are those who are kind and
compassionate in their dealings with their wives and
children. It also sets a practical example that we
should all follow. This was the example provided by
the best person to have ever lived on earth, Muhammad
(peace be upon him).
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