Islamic Rulings -
Living Shariah Verdicts I am a young man and have been married for
five months, but I am not able to get along with my
wife because she is extremely short whereas I was
looking for a girl whose height was suited to mine.
When my family described her to me before marriage,
they told me that she was tall, and when I looked at
her in the manner prescribed in sharee'ah, before
marriage, she was dressed up, her hair was styled, and
she was wearing high heels. I noticed that during our
engagement but I thought that my feelings towards her
would improve after marriage. When I married her and
saw what she really looks like and how short she is,
and I came to know her way of thinking, which is
completely different from my way of thinking, I hated
her and could not longer bear to talk to her. She
realized that and told me that she felt that I did not
like her and couldn't stand her. Sometimes when I come
in she is crying, and my heart breaks because of the
wrong that I have done to her. She has not harmed me
in any way, on the contrary she has shown me the
greatest respect and loves me deeply. But what should
I do? I have tried hard to make myself like her, but
with no success. I have even started to think of
divorce so that she and I will both have a break.
Sometimes I think of taking another wife. I hope you
can help me find a solution. Praise be to Allaah.
This is a problem that often happens. You are not
alone in your suffering. The root of the problem, in
my view, is the fact that the husband was not able to
see his fiancée fully in the manner prescribed in
sharee'ah, by sitting with her – but not being alone
with her, of course – and looking closely at her and
even asking to see her again at another time.
Yes, you made a great mistake when you felt put off by
this girl at the time of engagement but you went ahead
with the marriage. It would have been better for you
not to take a risk in such matters, because the one
who wants to get married should feel completely at
ease with his choice and not hesitant, so what about
one who feels discontent as in your case?
The real problem you face now is that this girl loves
you and respects you, and she is giving you all your
rights and more. She has also gotten pregnant from
you. If that were not the case, we would not hesitate
to advise you to leave her.
Even more unfortunate than that is the fact that her
life has been turned into an unbearable hell. She
cannot help weeping when she thinks of her situation
and how her hopes of finding a husband with whom to
share love and happiness have been dashed.
Yes, this is something decreed by Allaah and a real
fact that we have to acknowledge and live with, namely
that sometimes spouses do not get along and divorce
takes place, and the life of one or both of them is
wrecked as a result. You cannot live with all this
pain except by means of patience and seeking reward
from Allaah, first of all, and secondly by
understanding the causes of failure. Hence you have
your share of blame and you have to bear part of the
consequences of this matter, even if only a little.
You have to face up to the following:
1 – Try to live with this girl and put up with her as
much as possible. At least wait until the child is
born, and perhaps things will change and your hatred
will turn to love.
2 – If your circumstances allow you to keep her whilst
looking for another wife who will make you happy and
let you stay with your first wife, and you can look
after your children with her and spare them the pain
of separation and divorce, this is something that is
worth thinking about.
3 – If the solutions suggested above will not work; if
the matter is beyind your control and your hatred for
her increases and you are no longer able to live with
her, then divorce is allowed in sharee'ah in such
cases.
The bitterness of divorce will be easier for her than
the ongoing misery of living with you, and perhaps she
will find a husband with whom she can be happy. And
perhaps you will also find a wife with whom you can be
happy.
Divorce – even though it is disliked – is the solution
when husband and wife cannot live amicably together.
Try to think about these solutions, and think long and
hard about them. Do not be hasty. You should also turn
to Allaah and ask Him to guide you with regard to this
matter, for He is close to His sincere slaves. May
Allaah help you and give you strength.
Dr Muhammad ibn ‘Abd al-Rahmaan al-Sa'wi
We remind you of the words of Allaah (interpretation
of the meaning):
"and live with them honourably. If you dislike them,
it may be that you dislike a thing and Allaah brings
through it a great deal of good"
[al-Nisa' 4:19]
"and it may be that you dislike a thing which is good
for you"
[al-Baqarah 2:216] And the Messenger
of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him)
said: "No believing man should hate a believing woman.
If he dislikes one of her characteristics he will be
pleased with another." Narrated by Muslim, 1469. What this means is
that it is not right for a believing man to hate a
believing woman, because if he notices a bad
characteristic in her and dislikes her because of it,
he will find another, praiseworthy characteristic in
her and will love her because of it, such as if she is
chaste or kind or obedient… etc. This applies if
she has some characteristics that do not please him,
so how about if she is carrying out her duties towards
him in the most complete manner?. Comments 💬 التعليقات |
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