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I am a God-fearing man; I never had a
relationship with a woman before. I did not chat on
the internet either. But recently by chance I knew a
British woman on the internet. I found many
characteristics in her that I always wished. I knew
that she converted to Islam, before we knew each
other, and she married a man who does not fear Allah;
he does not pray neither does he teach her how to
pray. He forces her to go out with him and his
friends, he meets girls, and he allowed his cousin to
stay at home with them. He beats her for the slightest
reasons, he slanders her using bad language, she even
thinks that beating woman is one of the Islamic
teachings. He knows that I am talking to her, so I
tried to advise him and her, but he does not listen.
I love this woman, honestly, and I fear for her as she
lives with a person who does not fear Allah neither
does he teach her religion, although she is eager to
learn about Islam. I taught her how to pray by sending
English files about prayers. The problem now is that I
want to marry her. Is it permissible for me to urge
her to ask for divorce? I know I was mistaken to talk
to her in the first place. The say "whatever is built
on wrong will remain wrong" and "whatever grows by
means of haram then the hell is more fitting for it"
apply to my situation? If I marry her and make a
religious family, will it remain wrong? I have
decided to cut our relationship temporary, knowing
that I have not met her, until I know the ruling on
this. She is ready to leave everything there and come
to Egypt so that we can make a righteous family. Is my
good intention to do this valueless because it started
wrong? I fear Allah and my intention is to teach her
Islam. I do not have the intention to deceive her. I
know her intention as well. Even her non Muslim mother
thinks that we should marry. Bear in mind that their
marriage is not done according to the law. It was just
held in the masjid. I have read fatawa saying that
their marriage is invalid as long as he does not pray.
She has the right to ask for divorce because he beats
her and distorts the image of Islam. Is it permissible
for me to tell her this, whenever she asks me I just
stay silent because I fear Allah asks me about ruining
this family.
Praise be to Allaah.
Firstly:
We think that there is good in you for which we should
praise you. Your fear of Allaah for having formed
haraam relationships with non-mahram girls by
correspondence and talking, and your cutting off your
relationship with this girl until you find out the
shar'i ruling, are all indicative of goodness. We
encourage you to prepare for the Hereafter by means of
piety and we ask Allaah to instill faith in your heart
and to make immorality and sin hateful to you.
As for your relationship with this woman, what you
must do now is cut off all ties with her, and not
correspond with her or talk to her, and you have no
other option. As for the bad relationship between her
and her husband, perhaps Allaah will guide him and he
will start to pray regularly and treat her kindly, and
Allaah may create love between them after there was
enmity. Perhaps your talking to her was the cause of
the increase in bad feelings between her and her
husband, when she compared your nice words to her with
her husband's attitude, and that made her not be
patient with her husband and made her dislike him
more.
We are afraid that the words of the Prophet (peace and
blessings of Allaah be upon him), "Whoever turns a
woman against her husband is not one of us" may apply
to you. This hadeeth was narrated by Ahmad and Abu
Dawood (5170) and classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in
al-Silsilah al-Saheehah (324).
As for the marriage contract not being valid because
her husband does not pray, the ruling on that varies
according to whether he was not praying at the time he
married her, or he used to pray but he stopped praying
after the marriage.
We have discussed the ruling on this issue in the
answer to question no. 4131.
Whatever the case, she is the one who should seek the
ruling on that and ask about what she should do next.
She is the one who should solve the problems with her
husband, and she is also the one who should strive not
to disobey Allaah. She should not obey (her husband)
if he tells her to do something sinful, such as
staying with a non-mahram man or going out with him in
the presence of his friends and so on.
Whatever the case, she is the one who should strive to
set straight the things that are wrong with her life,
either by sorting out her life in a proper manner as
much as possible, or by leaving this man. Allaah makes
everyone independent of means by His grace and
blessings.
Beware lest the shaytaan open the door to sin for you
by means of your concern about the ruling on her
husband not praying, and the ruling on beating her and
mistreating her. Such things happen in many families –
is it permissible for you to check on these husbands
in their homes and talk to their wives on the grounds
that you are advising them and explaining the shar'i
rulings to them? The shaytaan has his ways of tempting
both sinners and righteous people, so beware lest the
shaytaan make you fall into his trap on the basis of
offering sincere advice and explaining shar'i rulings.
We ask Allaah, may He be exalted, to help you to do
that which He loves and which pleases Him, and to
guide you to the straight path.
And Allaah knows best.
He talks about marriage secrets and
gets married with the intention of divorcing the woman
I'm married to a muslim to whom I'm losing
trust. We've been married for a few years. I knew him
prior to marriage and I (we) did repent for that. But
he has gone off on (2) different occasions to acquire
a second wife. On both occasions the sisters that he
married seemed more out of desire and assuming that
things would be different with marrying a less than
knowledgable individual that lack basic manners and
deen. Even after knowing this at the time of marriage,
he consumates then complains that he wants this second
wife to have similar manners and deen as I do. My
concern is that he has reveiled his past (I know that
as muslims we should keep these things to ourselves)
and he was married several times as a kafir, and
cheated on these wives and now it seems that he's
using Islam as a justification for doing this (having
mutiple wives). He's says that he loves me, but I feel
that he's just used to me and my good manners and
resourcefulness, but he doesn't attempt to treat the
second spouse the way he treats me. He is very open to
tell me things about the second spouse that I don't
want to hear. Both marriages were seemed to be
performed in a very sneaky and questionable manner. I
don't have a enough space to go into the details. He
has stated on occassions that he has to have a second
wife. Is it allowed in Islam for a man to marry and
divorce as many women as he wants (I know no more than
4 at one time), but one every few months, even if he's
just marrying another woman for the purpose of having
something different temporarily? With the intent of
using one of her negative qualities as a reason for
divorce? We do not have children. Am I allowed to
request a divorce on the grounds that I cannot
continue to cope with these situations and I'm losing
the love and desire for my husband.
Praise be to Allaah.
Firstly:
It is obligatory for both spouses to keep the secrets
of the marriage, especially anything that has to do
with their intimate relationship in bed. The wife is
entrusted with the husband's secrets and the husband
is entrusted with the wife's secrets.
It was narrated from Abu Hurayrah that the Prophet
(peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) turned to
the men and said, "Is there any man among you who,
when he comes to his wife, he locks the door, throws
his blanket over himself and conceals himself with the
cover of Allaah?" They said, "Yes." He said, "And does
he sit after that and say, ‘I did such and such, and I
did such and such?'" They remained silent. Then he
turned to the women and said, "Is there anyone among
you who speaks (of private marital matters)?" They
remained silent. Then a buxom young girl sat up tall
so that the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings
of Allaah be upon him) would see her and hear her
words, and said, "O Messenger of Allaah, (the men)
speak and (the women) speak." He said, "Do you know
what the likeness of that is? The likeness of that is
that of a female devil who meets a male devil in the
street and he fulfils his desire with her when the
people are looking on."
Narrated by Abu Dawood, 2174. Classed as saheeh by
Shaykh al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Jaami', 7037.
Secondly:
With regard to your husband's other marriages, if that
is for the purpose of "having a change" as you say,
then this is marriage with the intention of divorcing,
which is deceiving the woman and her guardians (walis).
Shaykh Muhammad Rasheed Rida (may Allaah have mercy on
him) said:
The fact that the scholars of the earlier and later
generations emphatically forbade mut'ah (temporary
marriage) implies that marriage with the intention of
divorce is haraam, even though the fuqaha' said that a
marriage contract is valid if the husband intends it
to be temporary but did not state that as a condition
in the marriage contract; but his concealing that is
regarded as a betrayal and deceit, and this contract
deserves to be annulled more than one in which he
stipulated the condition that it be temporary with the
agreement of the husband, the wife and the wife's
guardian. This leads to many evil consequences as it
is abusing this great bond which is the greatest of
human relationships, and going along with one's whims
and desires. When this condition is not stated
clearly, that is cheating and betrayal which leads to
other bad consequences such as enmity, hatred and loss
of trust even of sincere people who want to get
married in the real sense, which means protecting the
chastity of both partners and cooperating in
establishing a righteous home…
Quoted from Fiqh al-Sunnah by al-Sayyid al-Saabiq,
2/39
Shaykh Ibn ‘Uthaymeen (may Allaah have mercy on him)
spoke similar words on the prohibition of such
marriages. He said:
Moreover this view – the view that (such marriages)
are permitted – may be exploited by those who are weak
in faith for evil purposes, as we hear that some
people have started to go on vacation, during time off
from studies, to other countries to get married with
the intention of divorcing soon. I have been told that
some of them marry several wives on these trips, as if
they go there only to satisfy their desires which are
more like zina (adultery, fornication) – we seek
refuge with Allaah.
Because of this we think that even if there is a view
that it is permitted, it is not appropriate to open
this door because it has becomes a means that leads to
that which we have mentioned.
With regard to my opinion on this matter, I say that
this marriage contract is a valid contract, but it
involves deceit and betrayal, so it may become haraam
because of that.
It is deceit and betrayal because the wife and her
guardian, if they knew the intention of this husband,
and that his intention is to enjoy intimacy with her
and then divorce her, they would not adept this
marriage. So in that sense he is deceiving and
betraying them.
If he tells them that he wants her to stay with him
for the duration of his visit to that country, and
they agree to that, then this marriage is mut'ah
(temporary marriage).
Hence I think that it is haraam, but if anyone goes
ahead and does it, then the marriage contract is
valid, but it involves sin.
Liqa' al-Baab al-Maftooh, Question 1391.
But if he married you with the intention of making the
marriage permanent, and he has no intention of
divorce, but then something happens which is a reason
for divorce, then there is no sin on him in that case.
Thirdly:
With regard to his getting married in secret, if that
is in the presence of the woman's guardian and two
witnesses, and the marriage contract is done in that
fashion, then it is a valid marriage. But if it is
done without the woman's guardian or without the
presence of two witnesses, then the marriage is not
valid. See questions no. 7989 and 2127.
Fourthly:
We advise your husband to fear Allaah with regard to
his family, and to fear Him with regard to people's
honour. He should note that it is not permissible for
him to fool about in this manner, for marriage is
love, tranquility and compassion, so he should not
make it merely a means of satisfying his desire and
then abandon the woman.
We also advise you to be gentle in denouncing your
husband, and to preserve the stability of the home,
and be sure of what you mention about his intention in
taking several wives and what you do not like about
him. Remember that a woman's jealousy towards co-wives
may lead her to make mountains out of molehills, and
the waswaas (whispers) of the Shaytaan may make it
worse, with the aim of disrupting the stability of
Muslim families.
So look at the matter with a little wisdom, especially
the matter of his intention, which you cannot really
know. Ask Allaah to show you the truth of the matter,
and pray istikhaarah with regard to either staying
with him or asking for separation. Think about your
situation if you get divorced and what the
consequences of that would be, then decide whether it
is better for you to leave him or to stay and put up
with it. If you cannot bear it because of the things
you have mentioned, then you have the right to ask for
separation.
And Allaah knows best.
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