My wife and i have discused me having a second wife and she sayes that if i do then she would devorse me.we did not get married by the kafirs but we do have a islamic contract. and there was no agreement on that contract forbiding me from taking a second wife.so my question is .Is it permisable for her to deny me this?And is'nt she making the hallal harram on me. my wife is a good muslimah (I.S.A.) and she would respect a answer whith proof. jazallahkum ma lakair

Praise be to Allaah.

If a man is able to marry a second wife, physically and financially, and he can treat both wives in a just manner, and he wants to take a second wife, then he is allowed to do so according to Islam. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

"… then marry (other) women of your choice, two or three, or four…" [al-Nisaa' 4:3]

And this was the practice of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him), and of his Companions (may Allaah be pleased with them), but apart from the Prophet, no one is permitted to have more than four wives.

It is well known that women are by nature jealous and reluctant to share their husband with other women. Women are not to be condemned for this jealousy, for it existed in the best of righteous women, the Sahaabiyyaat, and even in the Mothers of the Believers [the wives of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him)]. But women should not let jealousy make them object to that which Allaah has prescribed, and they should not try to prevent it; a wife should allow her husband to marry another woman for this is a kind of cooperating in righteousness and piety. According to a hadeeth whose authenticity is agreed upon, the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: "Whoever pays attention to his brother's needs, Allaah will pay attention to his needs."

The first wife's consent is not a prerequisite for a man to take another wife. The Standing Committee for Issuing Fatwas was asked about this and replied as follows:

"It is not obligatory for the husband, if he wants to take a second wife, to have the consent of his first wife, but it is good manners and kindness to deal with her in such a manner that will reduce the hurt which women naturally feel in such situations. This is done by being kind to her and speaking to her in a gentle and pleasant manner, and by spending whatever money may be necessary in order to gain her acceptance of the situation."

Concerning her request for divorce if her husband wants to marry another wife, this is a mistake. But they should examine the situation, and if she really cannot cope with living with another wife, then she can ask him for khula' [ a kind of divorce instigated by the wife, whereby she forgoes the mahr]. If she can cope with living with the second wife, but it hurts her to do so, then she should be patient and seek the pleasure of Allaah. Thawbaan (may Allaah be pleased with him) narrated that the Messenger (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said:

"No woman asks her husband for a divorce for no reason, but the fragrance of Paradise is forbidden for her." (Narrated by Abu Dawood and others, and classed as saheeh by al-Albaani, may Allaah have mercy on him).

If she bears it with patience, then Allaah will make it easier for her and will expand her chest (i.e., grant her peace and calm), and will compensate her with something good. The husband must also help her by treating her kindly, being patient with her for any jealousy etc. on her part, and overlooking her mistakes. And Allaah is the source of help.

Shaykh ‘Abd-Allaah al-Haydari

If my husband takes a second wife, will I be rewarded?

What is the reward, "ajr", for the first wife having patience ,"sabr", when her husband takes a second wife? Is there a special reward in this case, or is it the same reward for all women who obey their husbands and make their religious duties? If I would get to know about a special reward, things would be easier to accept. Someone said that the reward for this kind of woman was more than the reward for a mu´min leaving for jihad. And since Hajj is the jihad of a woman, accepting polygamy for the first wife is more than jihad. Is ther daleel for this, or do you know about another reward?.

Praise be to Allaah.

Firstly:

We do not know of any saheeh evidence which refers to the reward mentioned, but al-Tabaraani narrated from Ibn Mas'ood that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: "Allaah has decreed jealousy for women and jihad for men, so whoever bears that with patience out of faith and in the hope of reward will have a reward like that of a martyr." This hadeeth was classed as da'eef (weak) by al-Albaani in Da'eef al-Jaami' al-Sagheer, no. 1626.

Secondly:

A woman's being patient in obeying her husband is one of the means of entering Paradise, as it says in the hadeeth narrated by Ibn Hibbaan: "If a woman offers her five daily prayers and fasts her month (i.e., Ramadaan) and guards her chastity and obeys her husband, it will be said to her: ‘Enter Paradise from whichever of the gates of Paradise you wish.'" This hadeeth was classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Jaami' al-Sagheer, no. 660.

Her patience in putting up with her husband's marrying a second wife will bring a special reward over and above that, for several reasons:

1 – Her husband's marrying another wife is regarded as a test and trial for her, and if she bears that with patience she will have the reward for being patient in the face of a trial, as Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

"Only those who are patient shall receive their reward in full, without reckoning"
[al-Zumar 39:10]

According to the hadeeth: "No fatigue, nor disease, nor sorrow, nor sadness, nor hurt, nor distress befalls a Muslim, not even a thorn that pricks him, but Allaah will expiate his sins thereby."

Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 5642; Muslim, 2573, from the hadeeth of Abu Sa'eed and Abu Hurayrah.

Al-Tirmidhi (2399) narrated from Abu Hurayrah that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: "Trials will continue to befall the believer, man or woman, concerning himself, his child and his wealth, until he meets Allaah with no sin on him." Classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Jaami', no. 5815.

2 – If a woman accepts that and treats her husband and the other wife well, she will have the reward of al-muhsineen. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

"Verily, he who fears Allaah with obedience to Him (by abstaining from sins and evil deeds, and by performing righteous good deeds), and is patient, then surely, Allaah makes not the reward of the Muhsinoon (good-doers) to be lost"
[Yoosuf 12:90]

"Is there any reward for good other than good?"

[al-Rahmaan 55:60]

"And verily, Allaah is with the Muhsinoon (good-doers)"

[al-‘Ankaboot 29:69]

3 – If she feels angry because of that, but she controls her anger – and controlling one's tongue is part of controlling one's anger – Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

"…who repress anger, and who pardon men; verily, Allaah loves Al-Muhsinoon (the good-doers)"

[Aal ‘Imraan 3:134]

This reward is in addition to the woman's reward for obeying her husband under ordinary circumstances.

A wise woman should accept whatever Allaah decrees for her, and she should realize that her husband's marrying another woman is something permissible, so she should not object to it. It may be that this (second) marriage will make him more chaste and prevent him from doing something haraam.

It is very unfortunate that some women object less to their husbands doing haraam things than to their marrying another woman in a permissible manner. This is a sign of their lack of reason and religious commitment.

Women should follow the good example of the wives of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) and his companions, who were patient and sought reward even though many of them felt jealous. If your husband goes ahead and takes a second wife then you have to be patient and content and treat him well so that you can attain the reward of the patient and the doers of good.

Note that this life is the life of trials and tests, and how quickly it ends. So congratulations to the one who is patient in obeying Allaah in this life until he attains eternal delight in the gardens of Paradise.

And Allaah knows best.
 

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