She Does Not Want To Live With Her Husband's Family: Case Of Provisions - The Dowry, Accommodation etc
Islamic Rulings - Living Shariah Verdicts
Islamic Questions & Answers
I live with my inlaws for last 7 years, I dont
get along with my father inlaw, I have asked my
husband to move out from them. He is very hurt on this
matter, He says he cannot live without his parents,
and its hard for me to live with his parents and his
younger brother, am i asking too much. What does islam
role says on this. Please answer me ASAP. I am
desperate to move out, But I like my husband to be
happy with me also.
Praise be to Allaah.
Firstly:
The Prophet (peace and blessings
of Allaah be upon him) warned against the husband's
relatives who are not mahrams to the wife entering
upon her. It was reported from ‘Uqbah ibn ‘Aamir that
the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah
be upon him) said: "Beware of entering upon women." A
man from among the Ansaar said: "O Messenger of Allaah,
what about the brother-in-law?" he said: "The
brother-in-law is death." (Narrated by al-Bukhaari,
4934; Muslim, 2172).
It is not permissible for her to be alone with any of
her in-laws except those who are so young that there
is no fear that they will tempt her or be tempted by
her.
Secondly:
The husband must provide his wife
with a dwelling place that will conceal her from the
eyes of people and protect her from heat and cold,
where she can live and settle and be independent.
Whatever meets her needs is sufficient, such as a room
in good condition with a kitchen and bathroom – unless
the wife has stipulated larger accommodation in her
marriage contract. He does not have the right to make
her eat with any of her in-laws. The kind of
accommodation provided must be commensurate with what
the husband is able to provide and be suitable
according to local custom (‘urf) and the social level
of the wife.
(a) Ibn Hazam (may Allaah have
mercy on him) said:
He has to provide her with
accommodation according to his means, because Allaah
says (interpretation of the meaning):
"Lodge them (the divorced women)
where you dwell, according to your means" [al-Talaaq
65:6]
(al-Muhallaa, 9/253).
(b) Ibn Qudaamah (may Allaah have
mercy on him) said:
She (the wife) is entitled to
accommodation because Allaah says (interpretation of
the meaning):
"Lodge them …" [al-Talaaq 65:6]
If it is obligatory to provide
lodgings for a divorced wife, then it is even more
appropriate that lodgings should be provided for one
who is still married. Allaah says (interpretation of
the meaning):
"… and live with them honourably…"
[al-Nisaa' 4:19]. Part of that means providing them
with accommodation, because she cannot do without
proper accommodation to conceal her from people's eyes
and so that she may go about her business, relax and
her keep her belongings in order.
(al-Mughni, 9/237)
(c) Al-Kaasaani (may Allaah have mercy on him) said:
If a husband wants to make her live with a co-wife or
her in-laws, such as his mother or sister or daughter
from another marriage or another relative, and she
refuses to accept that, then he has to provide her
with accommodation of her own… But if he lodges her in
a room of the house that has a door of its own, this
is sufficient for her and she should not ask him for
alternative accommodation, because the harm caused by
fear for her belongings and not being able to relax is
no longer there. (Badaa'i' al-Sanaa'i', 4/23)
(d) Ibn Qudaamah also said:
A man does not have the right to make two wives live
in the same dwelling without their consent, regardless
of whether the house is large or small, because this
will cause them harm due to the enmity and jealousy
between them. Making them live together will cause
conflict and each of them will be able to hear when
the husband spends time with (has marital relations
with) the other or she will see that. If they both
agree (to live together in one house), this is
permissible because they have the right to do to ask
for independent accommodation, or they may choose to
forgo this right. (al-Mughni, 8/137)
He did not mean that it is OK for the husband to have
marital relations with one where the other can see and
hear that; what he meant was that it is permissible
for them to live in one house, where (the husband) can
come to each of them on her night in a place in the
house where the other cannot see her.
If he can give each wife a part of the house with a
bedroom, bathroom and kitchen, this will be
sufficient. Similarly, he could give each wife a
separate house or apartment.
Al-Haskafi (may Allaah have mercy on him) – one of the
Hanafis – said: Similarly, she is entitled to a place
in the house that is free of his family and her family
according to their means, as is the case with food and
clothing. A separated part of the house with a door of
its own and facilities such as a bathroom and kitchen
will be sufficient for the intended purpose.
Ibn ‘Aabideen commented:
What is meant by "a bathroom and kitchen" is bathroom
facilities and a place for cooking that should be
within the room or in a place which is not shared by
any other family members.
(al-Durr al-Mukhtaar, 3/599-600)
I say: what indicates that what is meant by "house" [bayt
– literally, "house", translated above as "room"] is a
room is the comment of al-Kaasaani (may Allaah have
mercy on him): If the house has rooms, a room should
be allocated to her and given its own door. They said:
she does not have the right to ask him for alternative
accommodation.
(Badaa'i' al-Sanaa'i', 4/34)
On this basis, it is permissible for him to
accommodate you in a room of the house that has its
own facilities, so long as there is no fitnah
(temptation) or being alone with any non-mahrams who
have reached the age of puberty. He does not have the
right to force you to work for them in the house or to
eat and drink with them. If he is able to provide you
with accommodation that is completely separate from
his family, that will be better for you, but if his
parents are elderly and need him, and they have no one
else to serve them and the only way he can serve them
is by living with them, then he has to do that.
Finally, we urge you to be patient and to strive to
please your husband and to help him to honour and be
kind to his family as much as possible until Allaah
grants you a way out. May Allaah bless our Prophet
Muhammad.
Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid
Expecting the
wife or her guardian to provide the dowry or
accommodation is a custom that is contrary to
sharee‘ah
Its been a customary practice in my locality that
during the time of marriage the girls parents build a
house for their daughter and that both couples may
live in that house.But in future if any problem occurs
between husband and wife then the wife could still
have her house while the male has no right to claim
the house.This system was made lawful in my place to
give security for females.
Now that am going to be engaged my Dad said that the
fiancee's family haven't built a house yet.And dad
fears that the fiancee's parents haven't come up with
good security even for their daughter and he fears in
future I might not get a good security from them as
well.And dad said he will ask them for the house for
both(me and fiancee) to live in.
I said since it is the husband who should give
security to his spouse then it is not necessary for
the fiancee's parents to build the house.But i also
said if they build it without our own demand let us
take it and i said that after reading the following
verse of the quran from surah Nisa 004.004 And give
the women (on marriage) their dower as a free gift;
but if they, of their own good pleasure, remit any
part of it to you, Take it and enjoy it with right
good cheer.
But in my situation I fear falling into dowry.Please
sheikh kindly clear this doubt.Under the circumstance
i have said is it right of my father to ask the
fiancee's parents to build the house for the girl so
that we both can live in it?
Please reply shiekh for a long time i haven't got any
reply from u. But Allah knows hw busy u are.But please
take some time to clear this for me.
Praise be to Allaah.
The dowry (mahr) is a right that the wife has over her
husband, because Allah says (interpretation of the
meaning):
"And give to the women (whom you marry) their Mahr
(obligatory bridal-money given by the husband to his
wife at the time of marriage) with a good heart; but
if they, of their own good pleasure, remit any part of
it to you, take it, and enjoy it without fear of any
harm (as Allaah has made it lawful)"
[al-Nisa' 4:4].
Al-Tabari (may Allah have mercy on him) said: What
Allah, may He be glorified and exalted, meant by that
is: Give the women their dowries as a gift that is
required and obligatory.
And he said: It was narrated that Qataadah said,
concerning the words "And give to the women (whom you
marry) their Mahr (obligatory bridal-money given by
the husband to his wife at the time of marriage) with
a good heart": As an obligation. And it was narrated
that Ibn Jurayj said concerning the words "And give to
the women (whom you marry) their Mahr (obligatory
bridal-money given by the husband to his wife at the
time of marriage) with a good heart": As an obligation
that is named (specified). And it was narrated that
Ibn Zayd said concerning the words "And give to the
women (whom you marry) their Mahr (obligatory
bridal-money given by the husband to his wife at the
time of marriage) with a good heart": al-nihlah
(translated here as "with a good heart", in the
language of the Arabs, refers to something that is
obligatory.
End quote from Tafseer al-Tabari, 4/241.
So it is not permissible to force the wife or her
guardian to provide it, but if the wife takes it and
then gives some of it to her husband or gives some of
her wealth to him, it is permissible to her to do
that, because Allah says (interpretation of the
meaning): "but if they, of their own good pleasure,
remit any part of it to you, take it, and enjoy it
without fear of any harm (as Allaah has made it
lawful)"[al-Nisa' 4:4].
Accommodation is also a right that the wife has over
her husband, so he is obliged to provide her with
separate accommodation according to his ability; that
is part of the maintenance that he is obliged to
provide. Allah says (interpretation of the meaning):
"Lodge them (divorced women) where you dwell,
according to your means" [al-Talaaq 65:6]. If this
applies in the case of a woman who is divorced, then
providing accommodation for a woman who is still
married is more appropriate. Moreover, Allah has
enjoined kind treatment between spouses, as stated
above. Part of the kind treatment that is enjoined is
providing her with accommodation in which she and her
wealth will be safe. The wife cannot do without
accommodation in order to conceal her from people
looking at her and so that she can settle down with
her belongings. Hence accommodation is a right that
she has over her husband.
The same may be said about accommodation as may be
said about the dowry: it is not permissible to force
the wife or her guardian to provide it.
Based on that, if the wife does not give
accommodation, there is no room for demanding it from
her. You should explain that to your father and not go
along with the custom that is contrary to sharee‘ah.
Allah has made the man the protector and maintainer of
the woman, and one of the reasons for that is that he
spends on her. Allah says (interpretation of the
meaning): "Men are the protectors and maintainers of
women, because Allaah has made one of them to excel
the other, and because they spend (to support them)
from their means" [al-Nisa' 4:34].
See also the answer to question no. 45527.
And Allah knows best
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