She Is Married To A Muslim And Hijab Is Putting Her Off Islam: A Christian Woman Asking For Advice About Her Relationship With A Muslim

Islamic Rulings - Living Shariah Verdicts

Islamic Questions & Answers

My husbad is Muslim and has talked frequently about me becoming Muslim myself. I just have one concern... the women being covered. Why do they need to cover themselves and only reveal what is odinarily revealed. I am American, we reveal almost the entire body here. I just want to get an understanding.

Praise be to Allaah.

There can be no doubt that Allaah only enjoins that in which there is wisdom, but in some cases the wisdom behind some rulings may be hidden from people, and in some cases it may be quite obvious – such as the prohibition on alcohol which clouds the mind and hinders people from the remembrance of Allaah and from prayer [cf. al-Maa'idah 5:91].

The wisdom behind the prescription of hijab is one of the most clear, because it is a covering for woman and guards their chastity, and it prevents the foolish from making approaches and harassing them. How often has a woman's hijab prevented the devils among mankind from harrassing her? How often have unveiled women made a display of their beauty and charms, which has led to their being harrassed by the foolish? Concerning this, Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

"O Prophet! Tell your wives and your daughters and the women of the believers to draw their cloaks (veils) all over their bodies (i.e. screen themselves completely except the eyes or one eye to see the way). That will be better, that they should be known (as free respectable women) so as not to be annoyed. And Allaah is Ever Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful"

[al-Ahzaab 33:59]

This verse gives the complete answer to your question, because Allaah mentions here the command to His Messenger (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) to tell his wives and daughters and the believing women to wear hijab, and it mentions the wisdom behind that, which is so that they may be protected and not exposed to annoyance.

When women go out showing most of their bodies – as the questioner mentions – this is one of the greatest causes of crime and corruption of men's morals, and of the spread of immorality. It is also degrading for woman, as we see women becoming cheap products for business-owners and advertisers, who show woman half-naked and devoid of modesty in order to attract customers and market their products.

A woman's body belongs to her and is not to be shared with people. When she gets married it belongs to her husband and she should not let anyone else have a share in it. What does a woman want when she shows her body and exposes her charms to onlookers? Does she just want them to look and stare, and what is the affect of that on rapists and the foolish? How are you going to stop them from getting what they want by attacking you and trying to rape you. Are you going to show some meat to the hungry and then try to stop them from eating it?

In a modern study it was shown that:

65% of female workers are exposed to sexual harassment in their place of work in some European countries.

18% of women in America have been raped or been subjected to attempted rape at some stage in their lives.

More than half of victims were under the age of 17.

Kitaab Ihsaa'aat, Diraasaat, Arqaam (p. 140).

Islamic sharee'ah brought that which is best for men and for women, and for the family and society. It does not impose restrictions on women as some enemies of Islam claim. Islam allows women to work, seek knowledge, engage in business, testify in court, uphold the ties of kinship, visit the sick, and so on, but it has set limits regarding her going out in order to protect her and to prevent the foolish from harassing her.

We say to the questioner:

Many western women, when they think about it and come to know the reality of Allaah's laws concerning women, do not hesitate to declare their Islam and enter into the religion of the Prophets and the righteous.

In Islam, women are protected and looked after. That is not in return for her staying in the home only, rather that is because she plays a great role, which is taking care of her husband and raising and caring for children. This is an important role, because the soundness or corruption of society depends on the extent to which mothers are successful in their raising and teaching of their children.

One of the largest British insurance companies carried out a study on one million housewives, which produced amazing results. This study showed that the average full-time housewife spends 19 hours per day meeting the needs of her family, because she is the one who is raising the children, teaching them, looking after family members when they fall sick, and is responsible for the household budget.

In addition to that – looking at what the houswife's value from a purely materialistic point of view, far removed from any emotional criteria – a woman who stays at home is the most valuable thing the family can have.

Op. cit., p. 118, 119

It has become clear to many wise women the serious danger posed by the false freedom that they are enjoying and they have finally realized where this path will lead them. It is stated in another study that:

80% of American women think that the freedom that women have gained in the last 30 years is the reason for the promiscuity and violence that are prevalent nowadays.

75% feel worried about the loss of values and the disintegration of the family.

80% have great difficulty in combining their responsibilities at work with their responsibilities towards their husbands and children.

87% said that if the clock was turned back they would consider the demands for equality as a social conspiracy against the United States and they would resist those who raise the banner of equality.

op. cit., p. 147

All it needs is for you to think about the matter a little, and look at real life, and you will see that hijab spares women from evil, harm and crimes. Islam has closed the door to such evils with its laws, including the requirement for women past the age of puberty to wear hijab.

Finally we would like to congratulate you on the fact that Allaah has granted you a Muslim husband, so that you will be able to see Islam in practice from him and his Muslim relatives, which may encourage you to enter Islam and which may remove the barrier of fear about entering this great and purely monotheistic religion. Also note that entering this final religion, which Allaah wants for all people, is a great honour of which you may be deprived if you delay and death then overtakes you. So hasten to enter Islam, with submission to the will of Allaah, with eagerness and delighting in this blessing of Allaah.

You should note that if you fall short in your observance of hijab because your human weakness or you feel embarrassed in front of your people, this is regarded as a sin. That should not prevent you from doing the great good deed which will lead you to Paradise and save you from Hell, namely embracing Islam. You should also note that the Shaytaan (Satan) is the enemy of all the sons of Adam, and he is the one who is stirring up these doubts in order to prevent you from entering this religion, so that he can increase the number of those who will follow him to Hell. So be strong and courageous in making the decision that will lead to eternal happiness, by Allaah's leave. We ask Allaah to help you and to give you the will power to enter Islam as our sister in Islam, and to share this blessing. We thank you for your confidence in us.

And Allaah is the Guide to the Straight path.

A Christian woman is asking for advice about her relationship with a Muslim who talks with her and goes out with her

Very Happy to reach your site, hope I find my solution here, here's my story.
I am a 23-years mother with two kids. I have met a 30-years Muslim man, talked together on phone, things went well, and finally I met him face to face last Saturday when we talked for 5 minutes before he leaves. Then we met again on Sunday, went to see a movie, and he kissed me on my lips. I am not sure of his adherence to Islam, all I know is that he doesn't smoke nor does he drink alcohol. He even advises me to keep away from such two bad habits.
My question is : can a Muslim behave seriously with a woman like me with two children (not cheating)? A Muslim sister answered me with "No" because I am not a virgin in addition that dating is not allowed in Islam. I am feeling badly as I love him much and respect his religion. I can't imagine how his family will look to me if both he and me keep this relation? Will they think ill of me as a bad woman who has two kids and go out with men? I know it is not permissible for a Muslim man to date a (non-mahram) woman and go out with her, but I don't know how did I do that? I love him and when we meet, we talk in many things, he tells me that I am everything for him, he became a captive lover to me, and he will never exploit me oneday, he promised not to do. Since first day we have met, I told him on Facebook site that if he is looking for sex, he can search for it in another place. I was kissing him out of love but didn't fall in adultery. Please deliver an advice that can show me the right way. thanks.

Praise be to Allaah.

Firstly:

Allah created men and women and created in each of them attraction towards the other as part of their nature, which no one can deny. Islam pays attention to that and regulates the relationship between the two, which is restricted to marriage; Islam forbids any other kind of relationship which is unacceptable to sound human nature and proper thinking. Woman is not a cheap product for anyone who wants to have his way with her; rather she is respected and should be for one man to take care of her, spend on her and give her her rights. The way to take a woman as a wife is by seeing her first, then asking her guardian for her hand, then giving some wealth to be a dowry for her. All of that means that Islam regards woman as a respectable being, not something that is easily obtained, so that she will not be treated carelessly and looked down upon. What we see in the world of promiscuity is that a man tries to get a woman he likes in order to have his way with her, then he throws her aside so that he can look for another who is more beautiful than her, and so on; and he moves from one prey to another, one girlfriend to another. Thus no family is formed and no children are born; as a result no family is formed on a basis of peace and tranquillity. All of that is rejected in Islam which forbids it in a way that leaves no room for differences of opinion. Every Muslim who goes against that is following his whims and desires and is imitating deviant and immoral people. Islam disavows his conduct and actions.

Based on that, relationships that occur between men and women outside the framework of legitimate, documented marriage are haraam (forbidden) relationships which it is not permissible for a Muslim to form with any woman, whether she is Muslim or non-Muslim. We admire your telling this Muslim man who is going against his religion that if he is looking for sex he should look somewhere else. This confirms what we have said, that woman is not a cheap product. But we do not approve of your going out with him and what happened between you of being alone together and kissing. If you think that this is something normal in your view, that is not the case for us. What he has done are things that are forbidden in Islam and it is not appropriate for a Muslim to do them. If you like each other, then the only way for meetings between you to be permissible is marriage and nothing else. Any meeting or relationship with a woman who is not related to the man that occurs outside the framework of marriage is haraam (forbidden) and is deserving of punishment in the Hereafter.

See, for example, the answer to question no. 34841.

Secondly:

You should note that Islam permits marriage to a Christian woman on condition that she should be a believer in her religion and she should not be an atheist or a person with no religion, and on condition that she should be chaste and honourable, not a fornicator or a woman who has boyfriends. In order for the marriage contract to be valid, you should have a guardian who will give your hand in marriage and there should be two Muslim witnesses to the marriage contract; announcement of the marriage may take the place of witnesses. For more details on this, please see the answer to questions no. 2527 and 12283.

The fact that a woman has children from a previous marriage does not affect her marriage to a Muslim. If someone says that it is not permissible for a Christian or Jewish woman to marry a Muslim unless she is a virgin, that view is not correct. Rather the condition for her being permissible (as a wife for a Muslim man) is that she should be chaste and avoid fornication. This condition also applies to Muslim women; it is not permissible for a chaste Muslim man to marry a woman who commits fornication unless she repents sincerely. And it is not permissible for a chaste woman to marry a man who commits fornication unless he repents sincerely, as we have explained in the answer to question no. 85335.

As the relationship between you has not gone as far as fornication or adultery as you say, praise be to Allah, then there is no reason why he should not marry you, as we have explained in the answer to question no. 148528.

Thirdly:

With regard to the Muslim man's family, they may accept their son marrying a Christian woman who has children. If they refuse, that is not because it is something that is forbidden in Islam; rather it may be for cultural reasons, or perhaps because they think that their son is not able to fulfil the rights of that wife and take care of her children. But they cannot accept their son having a girlfriend with whom he spends time alone or travels with her; if they accept that, then they are undoubtedly going against Islamic teachings.

The issue of whether or not his family will accept that is a social issue, not a religious ruling. It is not one of the conditions of a man's marriage that his family should accept it, although that is something that is desirable.

Fourthly:

Even though the man is Muslim – as you say – that does not prevent us from speaking the truth with regard to what he has done with you and the ruling on his relationship with you. We would give you some further advice: do not pay any attention to the sweet talk from anyone who has a relationship with you outside the framework of marriage. That includes this man's saying that he has become "a captive love" to you and that he "will never exploit" you, and other such enchanting words. All of that is most likely aimed at getting what he wants, which is to have his way with you, then he will go off and look for someone else. What we are saying is only based on understanding the reality of illicit relationships, especially those that begin in chat rooms and on Facebook. We hope that you will not be deceived by this sweet talk. If this man is sincere in his love for you, then let him prove it by marrying you. As for proving that by going out together to watch a movie or to a restaurant, none of that is proof of sincerity of feelings, so do not pin your hopes on it. Even if non-Muslims do that and women accept it, Islam forbids it and does not approve it, and it warns women against being fooled by it.

Fifthly:

Now the opportunity presents itself for us to tell you of something that will be better for you in this world and in the Hereafter, which is to enter Islam and become a Muslim woman who affirms the Oneness of Allah, the Creator of the universe and the Provider of all creation. This religion to which we are calling you is the religion of Jesus (peace be upon him) and the religion of Abraham and their fellow Prophets and Messengers, all of whom worshipped One Lord, namely Allah, may He be glorified and exalted. They devoted their worship to Him alone, with no partner or associate, and they called the people to do likewise. Islam is the religion that brought rulings which are suited to all times and all places; it addresses the interests of individuals and societies. You will feel great happiness, as has been experienced by those who have gone ahead of you on this path. After that, Allah will make it easy for you to find a suitable husband who will take care of you, give you your rights and seek reward with Allah by taking care of your children, and perhaps you and he will attain the reward of their becoming Muslim and you will be together with them in this world and the Hereafter. If you do not become Muslim, then you must understand that even if you are together with a Muslim man as his wife in this world, in the Hereafter you will inevitably be separated from him. This underlines what we have said, that your becoming Muslim means attaining success in this world and in the Hereafter. Being together with your husband and children in the Paradise of eternity is a great success for which wise people strive and those who are doomed miss out on.

We ask Allah to guide you to that which is best for you in this world and in the Hereafter, and to make it easy for you to find a righteous and good husband.

And Allah knows best.

 

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