His Father Refuses To Arrange His Marriage Until He Has Completed His Studies
Islamic Rulings -
Living Shariah Verdicts
Islamic Questions & Answers
I am a
young man aged 20. I work and study and I am very well
off, praise be to Allaah. I want to get married but my
father does not want me to get married, on the grounds
that I should complete my studies. What should I do?
Praise be to Allaah.
It is
mustahabb to hasten to get married for the one who is
able for it, because Allaah says (interpretation of
the meaning):
"And marry those among you who are single (i.e. a man
who has no wife and the woman who has no husband) and
(also marry) the Saalihoon (pious, fit and capable
ones) of your (male) slaves and maid-servants (female
slaves)"
[al-Noor 24:32]
Ibn Katheer(may Allaah have mercy on him) said,
commenting on this verse: This is a command to marry
off those who need to get married. A number of
scholars are of the view that it is obligatory for
everyone who is able for it, and they quoted as
evidence the apparent meaning of the words of the
Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him):
"O young men, whoever among you can afford to get
married, then let him do so, for it is more effective
in lowering the gaze and guarding chastity. And
whoever is not able to do that, then let him fast, for
that will be a shield for him." Narrated in al-Saheehayn
from the hadeeth of Ibn Mas'ood.
In is narrated in al-Sunan via more than one isnaad
that the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of
Allaah be upon him) said: "Marry and produce offspring
for I will be proud of your numbers on the Day of
Resurrection."
Ayyim (translated here as "single") refers to the
woman who has no husband or the man who has no wife,
whether they were married then separated or were never
married. End quote.
Secondly:
The son should tell his father clearly of his wish to
get married, and the father should understand the
importance of that, and he should help his son to get
married. Many of the fuqaha' are of the view that that
is obligatory if he is able for it.
Ibn Qudaamah (may Allaah have mercy on him) said: Our
companions said: The father must keep his son chaste
if he is obliged to spend on him and if he needs to be
kept chaste. This is the view of some of the
companions of al-Shaafa'i. End quote from al-Mughni
(8/172).
Shaykh Ibn 'Uthaymeen (may Allaah have mercy on him)
said: A person's need to get married is urgent, and in
some cases it may be like his need for food and drink.
Hence the scholars said: It is obligatory for the one
who has to spend on a person to arrange his marriage
if he can afford to get married, so it is obligatory
for fathers to arrange the marriages of their sons, if
the sons needs to get married but cannot afford to do
so. But I heard that some fathers who forget how they
were when they were young, when the sons ask them to
arrange their marriage, they say: Get married at your
own expense. This is not permissible and it is haraam
if he able to arrange his marriage. His son will
dispute with him on the Day of Resurrection if he does
not arrange his marriage when he is able to do so. End
quote from Majmoo' Fataawa Ibn 'Uthaymeen (18/410).
A widespread mistake is when the father refuses to
listen to his son concerning this matter, and ignores
the son's need. His need for marriage may be urgent,
and as a result of delaying marriage he may fall into
some kind of deviation. It is well known that people
vary with regard to this need and their level of
self-control in this matter. The father may be sinning
by preventing his son from getting married if he needs
that, as stated above.
Some fathers give precedence to study and work over
marriage in all cases, and they never consider
arranging their son's marriage before that. This is
also wrong. Rather they should study the matter and
weigh up the pros and cons. They should find out how
much their son needs to get married, and how able he
is to combine marriage and study, and which should be
given priority if it is not possible to do both.
Protecting one's religious commitment is important,
and takes precedence over protecting one's physical
health and wealth, so naturally it takes precedence
over studying.
Thirdly:
The father may be excused for refusing to arrange his
son's marriage before he completes his studies, either
because he sees that the son is not well-organized in
handling his affairs and cannot take responsibility
for himself, let alone anyone else, or he thinks that
he is neglecting his studies and would neglect them
even more after marriage, or he does not think that he
really needs to get married, and it is only a passing
fancy or he wants to imitate someone else. The son
should excuse his father and strive to convince him,
and explain to him the extent of his need for marriage
and how able he is to take care of his wife after
that.
We ask Allaah to guide you.
And Allaah knows best.
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