Religious Man Tempted By Women: He Is Not Able To Control His Natural Impulses Or Stop Himself From Forming Relationships

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What can be done about one who prays and fasts and worships Allaah a great deal, and fears Him and obeys Him (as much as he can), but he is not able to control his natural impulses or stop himself from forming relationships with women or from committing sin sometimes, even though he tries hard to resist that. He is married with three children, two of whom are girls, and he has a good relationship with his wife.

Praise be to Allah.
The most important principle on which a person's life is based is his faith in Allah and the righteous deeds that are enjoined upon him. This is the only protection against loss in this life. Allah says (interpretation of the meaning):

"By Al-'Asr (the time).

Verily, man is in loss,

Except those who believe (in Islamic Monotheism) and do righteous good deeds, and recommend one another to the truth, and recommend one another to patience."

[al-'Asr 103:1-3]

This is also the means of attaining a good life in this world and in the Hereafter. Allah says (interpretation of the meaning):

"Whoever works righteousness — whether male or female — while he (or she) is a true believer (of Islamic Monotheism) verily, to him We will give a good life (in this world with respect, contentment and lawful provision), and We shall pay them certainly a reward in proportion to the best of what they used to do (i.e. Paradise in the Hereafter)."

[al-Nahl 16:97]

But a person's worship of his Lord should not be something seasonal or occasional, whereby he obeys his Lord at certain times or on certain occasions, then after that he does whatever he wants to or feels like doing. Rather his worship should encompass his whole life. Allah says (interpretation of the meaning):

"Say (O Muhammad): 'Verily, my Salah (prayer), my sacrifice, my living, and my dying are for Allah, the Lord of the al-'Alameen (mankind, jinn and all that exists).

He has no partner. And of this I have been commanded, and I am the first of the Muslims.'"

[al-An'am 6:162-163]

Because of this the effects of having faith and worship should appear in the person's life and in his behaviour. The believer cannot be a liar. The adulterer cannot be a believer at the moment when he is committing adultery. True faith prevents this, and true prayer keeps a person from committing immoral actions. Allah says (interpretation of the meaning):

"Recite (O Muhammad) what has been revealed to you of the Book (the Quran), and perform As-Salah (Iqamat-as-Salaah). Verily, As-Salah (the prayer) prevents from Al-Fahsha' (i.e. great sins of every kind, unlawful sexual intercourse) and Al-Munkar (i.e. disbelief, polytheism, and every kind of evil wicked deed) and the remembering (praising) of (you by) Allah (in front of the angels) is greater indeed [than your remembering (praising) of Allah in prayers]. And Allah knows what you do."

[al-'Ankaboot 29:45]

I invite you to join us in a moment of honesty. Let us study together the hadeeth (narration) reported by Abu Umamah (may Allah be pleased with him), who said that a young man came to the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) and said: "O Messenger of Allah, give me permission to commit zina (fornication/adultery)."

The people turned to him to rebuke him, telling him to be quiet. But the Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said: "Leave him alone." Then he came closer to him and told him to sit down. He said: "Would you like that for your mother?" He said: "No, by Allah, may Allah make me your ransom." He said: "No, and the people do not like it for their mothers either." Then he said: "Would you like it for your daughter?" He said: "No, by Allah, may Allah make me your ransom." He said: "No, and the people do not like it for their daughters either." He said: Would you like it for your sister?" He said: "No, by Allah, may Allah make me your ransom." He said: "No, and the people do not like it for their sisters either." He said: "Would you like it for your paternal aunt?" He said: "No, by Allah, may Allah make me your ransom." He said: "No, and the people do not like it for their paternal aunts either." He said: "Would you like it for your maternal aunt?" He said: "No, by Allah, may Allah make me your ransom." He said: "No, and the people do not like it for their maternal aunts either."

Then he placed his hand on him and said: "O Allah, forgive his sins and cleanse his heart, and protect his chastity." And after that the young man never thought of any such thing again.

Musnad Ahmad, 21705; al-Albani classed its isnad (chain of transmitters) as saheeh (authentic) in al-Saheehah, 370.

I ask you during this moment of honesty before Allah: would you want such a thing for your daughters, or for your wife? Then you should not want it for someone else's daughter or wife…

Do not say that the sin that you have committed did not reach the level of zina (adultery), for the question still remains: Would you want that for your womenfolk and family members? You know that whoever approaches the limit will soon transgress it, as the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said.

If you are young, then there are other people who are also young. If you are a man then there are other men among the people.

If you think that you have any sense of gheerah (protective jealousy) for your honour and that others do not have any sense of protective jealousy, then you are mistaken and delusional and if we assume that you are correct and that is not the case, then what about the protective jealousy of Allah concerning His sacred limits? At the time of the Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) there was an eclipse of the sun, and the Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) led the people in prayer. He stood (in prayer) for a long time… then he moved away when the eclipse was over and addressed the people. He praised Allah, then he said: "O ummah (nation) of Muhammad, there is none more jealous than Allah when His male or female slave commits zina. O ummah of Muhammad, by Allah, if you knew what I know you would laugh little and weep much." Al-Bukhari, 1044; Muslim, 901.

Do you not praise Allah for your wife with whom you are living a good life? Are you not afraid?

Don't you realize now that you have not been fearing Allah, and have not even tried to?

Allah has set the limits of what is permissible for you: your wife and those whom your right hands possess – i.e., slaves, for those who had slaves. Allah says (interpretation of the meaning):

"And those who guard their chastity (i.e. private parts, from illegal sexual acts)

Except from their wives or (the slaves) that their right hands possess, for then, they are free from blame;

But whoever seeks beyond that, then those are the transgressors."

[al-Mu'minoon 23:5-7]

What more do you want than that? Then you will be questioned about what you did.

Have you lowered your gaze as Allah commands?

Have you avoided being alone with women or entering upon them, as the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) commanded?

Have you protected yourself against shaking hands with women, or touching a woman who is not permissible for you, as the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) commanded?

Don't you realize now that you have not been fearing Allah, and have not even tried to?

If you do what Allah and His Messenger have commanded, and avoid being tempted by women then the pure and permissible relationship with your wife is sufficient for you.

If you need to, then Allah has permitted you to marry women of your choice, two or three or four. If you cannot afford to do that, then you have to fast, and it will be a shield for you.

And Allah knows best.

 

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