She Wants To Marry A Student Like Her And Her Family Doesn't Agree
Islamic Rulings -
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A men, who
I think is a very good muslim and Allah knows the
best, has asked for my hand in marriage. I love him
very much but my parents disapprove of this marriage
for the following reasons. They think I am too young.
They think that he (we) will not be able to support
ourselves since both of us are students. They want me
to finish school (i am in my last year of high school)
and maybe even finish university before getting
married for they think that is i get married i will
not complete my studies. Please advise me on what i
should do and what right i have in this.
Praise be to Allaah.
Shaykh
Muhammad ibn Saalih al-'Uthaymeen (may Allaah mercy on
him) was asked a similar question and said:
The ruling on that is that it is contrary to the
command of the Prophet (Peace And Blessings Of Allaah
Be Upon Him). The Prophet (Peace And Blessings Of
Allaah Be Upon Him) said: "If there comes to you one
with whose religious commitment and character you are
pleased, then marry [your daughter or female relative
under your care] to him." Undoubtedly your father's
preventing you from marrying one who is suitable is
something that is haraam. Marriage is more important
than study, and it does not mean that you cannot
study, because the two can be combined. What I advise
my brothers who are the guardians of women to do, is
to let them complete their studies; a woman may
stipulate as a condition of her marriage that she be
able to continue studying until her studies are
complete.
Fataawa al-Mar'ah al-Muslimah, 2/704-705.
Secondly:
With regard to what you mention about the situation of
the one who has proposed marriage and that he is still
a student, being a student is not regarded as an
impediment to marriage if he can afford to get married
and to spend on his wife on a reasonable basis.
But if his being a student means that he cannot afford
to get married and spend on his wife – apart from the
unreasonable demands that some families make in the
conditions that they stipulate – this is addressed by
the words of Allaah (interpretation of the meaning):
"And let those who find not the financial means for
marriage keep themselves chaste, until Allaah enriches
them of His Bounty"
[al-Noor 24:33]
Al-Qurtubi (may Allaah have mercy on him) said: In
this verse, Allaah commands everyone who is unable to
get married and cannot find any means of doing so to
keep himself chaste, because the most common obstacle
to marriage is lack of money. So Allaah promises
independence of means by His bounty, so that He will
provide what one needs to get married or to find a
woman who will accept a small mahr, or else remove
from him the desire to marry." Tafseer al-Qurtubi,
12/242
It should be noted that the mahr and maintenance are
the rights of the woman, not of her guardians. She has
the right to agree to a little and to marry one whom
she knows is poor, but it has to be pointed out that
many woman may agree to marry a man even though he is
poor when he proposes to her, then shortly after
marriage the woman may start to complain, and that
leads to arguments and divorce. This should be taken
into consideration.
Thirdly:
We advise families and guardians not to be an obstacle
to keeping their daughters and female relatives chaste
because of the unreasonable conditions that they
stipulate regarding spending on the basis that they
want to be reassured about their daughters' future.
This puts off the men who want to marry them, which
leads to them being left on the shelf and the evils
that result from that, especially nowadays when fitnah
(temptation) is so widespread. Thus they harm
themselves and their daughters when their intention is
to do good.
We ask Allaah to set the affairs of the Muslims
straight.
And Allaah knows best.
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