Can The Husband's Cheating Be Justified By Blaming His Wife For Refusing Intimacy With Him?
Islamic Rulings -
Living Shariah Verdicts
Islamic Questions & Answers
If a husband cheats on his wife, can he blame his wife for his sin or be
partially blamed? Not to say that they did not have intercourse for months or
so, but refrained from sexual intimacy for a much shorter time (such as a week
or more weeks, past the time the menstrual time has ended and intimacy is
possible but has not occurred for whatever reason). Can he justify his actions
by saying that she will get the sin because he did not fulfill his desires? Can
at any point the wife be blamed, if it is a long period of time since sexual
intimacy?
Praise be to Allah.
One of the worst things that the one who has been disobedient towards Allah can
do is trying to justify his sin by referring to something that is worse than it
and trying to justify his transgression of the sacred limits by making up
excuses when he knows that the truth of the matter is that he was overcome by
desires, by his nafs (self) that prompts him to do evil, lust that he could not
control and a conscious decision to commit this action.
And he does this at the time when what the one who has committed an action that
is contrary to Islam should do is hasten to admit his shortcomings and ask Allah
for forgiveness. Allah, may He be glorified and exalted, loves for His slave who
has slipped up and fallen into the mire of immoral actions to hasten to regret
it and turn to his Lord, may He be glorified, and admit what he has done, then
ask Allah, may He be glorified and exalted, to forgive him, help to do righteous
deeds and protect him from evil deeds. Allah, may He be glorified and exalted,
says (interpretation of the meaning):
"And turn in repentance and in obedience with true Faith (Islamic Monotheism) to
your Lord and submit to Him, (in Islam), before the torment comes upon you, then
you will not be helped"
[az-Zumar 39:54]
"And those who, when they have committed Fahishah (illegal sexual intercourse
etc.) or wronged themselves with evil, remember Allah and ask forgiveness for
their sins; - and none can forgive sins but Allah - And do not persist in what
(wrong) they have done, while they know"
[Aal 'Imraan 3:135].
We may ponder the story of our father Adam (peace be upon him) and how he
hastened to admit his sin and take responsibility for what he had done and for
his shortcomings. Allah, may He be exalted, says (interpretation of the
meaning):
"They said: "Our Lord! We have wronged ourselves. If You forgive us not, and
bestow not upon us Your Mercy, we shall certainly be of the losers"
[al-A 'raaf 7:23].
So Allah, may He be glorified and exalted, rewarded him by accepting his
repentance and forgiving him, by His grace. Allah, may He be glorified, says
(interpretation of the meaning):
"Then Adam received from his Lord Words . And his Lord pardoned him (accepted
his repentance). Verily, He is the One Who forgives (accepts repentance), the
Most Merciful"
[al-Baqarah 2:37].
This is a good example for all of us; we should remember the grace and kindness
of Allah, and we should put our trust in Him acknowledging our sins and our
wrongdoing towards ourselves, and we should hasten to repent as Allah, may He be
glorified and exalted, says (interpretation of the meaning):
"If they (hypocrites), when they had been unjust to themselves, had come to you
(Muhammad SAW) and begged Allahs Forgiveness, and the Messenger had begged
forgiveness for them: indeed, they would have found Allah All-Forgiving (One Who
accepts repentance), Most Merciful"
[an-Nisa' 4:64].
As for the accursed Iblees, he persisted in his disobedience and did not admit
his shortcomings; rather he tried to pin the blame on others and he argued about
his reasons for going against the command of Allah, may He be glorified and
exalted, as Allah tells us (interpretation of the meaning):
"(Allah) said: 'What prevented you (O Iblees) that you did not prostrate, when I
commanded you?' Iblees said: 'I am better than him (Adam), You created me from
fire, and him You created from clay.'
(Allah) said: '(O Iblees) get down from this (Paradise), it is not for you to be
arrogant here. Get out, for you are of those humiliated and disgraced.'"
[al-A'raaf 7:12-13].
On the other hand:
It is not permissible for the wife to try to justify her disobedience by
forsaking her husband's bed with made-up excuses. Marital intimacy is a
confirmed right and there is a stern warning against wives who fall short in
that regard. The Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) said: "If a
man calls his wife to his bed and she does not come to him, and he goes to sleep
angry with her, the angels will curse her until morning."
Narrated by al-Bukhaari (3237) and Muslim (1436).
This is a stern warning to every wife who refuses to share her husband's bed for
any reason other than a legitimate shar'i excuse such as menses, nifaas
(postpartum bleeding) or sickness. If she refuses for several weeks, then the
sin is greater and more abhorrent, and she is required to repent and seek
forgiveness, and also ask her husband to forgive her, so as to turn over a new
leaf and to create a calm and happy family atmosphere in the home, filled with
tranquillity, respect and fulfilment of rights and duties.
For more information, please see fatwa no. 99756
And Allah knows best.
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