The Way In Which The Wives Of The Prophet (Blessings And Peace Of Allah Be Upon Him) Dealt With The Inherent Jealousy Of Women
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Assalam alaikum Can you give any positive hadiths about friendship/love between
the wives of the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him)? I have found one of
Sawda giving her night to Aisha (masha Allah), but other hadiths I found were
about jealousy or dislike.
Alhamdullilah, I have a cowife who joined our family nearly 6 months ago. She is
very dear to me and our husband and Allah has been most merciful. But alas, her
family, who follow cultural norms rather than Islamic teachings, have caused
much upset for my sister by insisting that I am unhappy that she has joined the
family, that I'm jealous, etc. Astaghfirullah. By Allah's grace and mercy, none
of this is true. I have met her family to try and ease this backbiting through
witnessing. I was blessed to be a guest at their nikka, alhamdullilah :-) But it
seems to be getting worse. Mostly, I hear claims that, Astaghfirullah, the
Prophet's own wives were discontent, so how can any women today be. Of course I
know that we are all what Allah allows us to be, subhanallah. But they ask for
hadiths. They say the one about Sawda giving one of her nights to Aisha doesn't
apply to us because I am younger than my co-wife. Can you recommend any hadiths?
I am a revert and my Arabic is weak. In sha Allah, I am learning, but in the
meantime some advice would be most appreciated.
Praise be to Allah
Undoubtedly the bond that governed the relationships between the wives of the
Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) was the bond of spiritual
sisterhood and love for the sake of Allah. This is the basic principle that
should unite all the believers in general. To that may be added their closeness
to the light of Prophethood, as they all lived in the place where the revelation
and the message of Allah came down. Therefore piety and fear of Allah was what
protected them from slipping into error and enabled them to think maturely at
times of turmoil, when faced with difficult tests.
The Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) called co-wives sisters.
Muslim (1408) narrated from Abu Hurayrah that the Prophet (blessings and peace
of Allah be upon him) said: "A woman should not ask for her sister to be
divorced so as to deprive her of what is rightfully hers and so that she may be
married in her stead; rather she will have what Allah has decreed for her.".
So how about sisters who were the wives of the Prophet (blessings and peace of
Allah be upon him)?
Piety and fear of Allah formed the solid foundation that overcame the natural
inclinations and jealousy of women and their competition for one husband. The
Shaytaan had no hopes of causing any troubles in the household of the Prophet
(blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) and they were far above such a thing,
for they were pure and purified.
'Aa'ishah (may Allah be pleased with her) said in the hadith of al-ifk (the
slander): The Messenger of Allah (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him)
asked Zaynab bint Jahsh about me: "O Zaynab, what do you know, and what have you
seen?" She said: O Messenger of Allah, I would not claim to have heard or seen
something that I did not, and by Allah, I do not know anything but good.
'Aa'ishah said: She was the one among the wives of the Messenger of Allah
(blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) who used to compete with me, but
Allah protected her by means of her piety
Narrated by al-Bukhaari (2661) and Muslim (2770)
An-Nawawi (may Allah have mercy on him) said:
Her words "I would not claim to have heard or seen something that I did not"
mean: I protect my hearing and sight from saying I heard when I did not hear, or
I saw when I did not see. 'Aa'ishah's words "she was the one who used to compete
with me" mean: she used to boast to me and compete with me in terms of her
beauty and status with the Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him).
End quote.
Sharh an-Nawawi 'ala Muslim (17/113)
Al-Haafiz (may Allah have mercy on him) said:
From this hadith we learn that the Muslim should stand up and defend his Muslim
brother, especially those who are people of virtue and piety, and the Muslim
should deter those who try to harm such brothers. End quote.
Fath al-Baari (8/479)
Al-Bukhaari (2581) and Muslim (2442) narrated that 'Aa'ishah said: …The wives of
the Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) sent Zaynab bint Jahsh,
the wife of the Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him), who was the
one who was the closest of them to me in status before the Messenger of Allah
(blessings and peace of Allah be upon him). I have never seen any woman who was
better in religious commitment than Zaynab, more fearing of Allah, more truthful
in speech, more keen to uphold family ties, more generous in giving charity, or
more keen to draw close to Allah, but she had a quick temper, although she would
calm down quickly …
Her competition with her did not prevent her from speaking highly of her in
terms that she deserved.
All of that did not prevent from happening among them (may Allah be pleased with
them all) that natural jealousy which happens among women even among women who
are distantly connected, so how about those who are co-wives of one man, and how
about if the man who brought them together was the Messenger of Allah (blessings
and peace of Allah be upon him), the noblest of all mankind?
It was narrated from 'Urwah ibn az-Zubayr that 'Aa'ishah, the wife of the
Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him), told him that the Messenger
of Allah (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) left her house one night.
She said: I felt jealous about him, then he came and saw what I was doing. He
said: "What is the matter with you, O 'Aa'ishah? Are you jealous?"
I said: Why wouldn't one such as me feel jealous about one such as you?
The Messenger of Allah (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) said: "Has
your devil come to you?"
I said: O Messenger of Allah, is there a devil with me?
He said: "Yes."
I said: Is there a devil with every person?
He said: "Yes."
I said: Even with you, O Messenger of Allah?
He said: "Yes, but my lord helped me with him until he became Muslim."
Narrated by Muslim in his Saheeh (2815).
As-Sindi (may Allah have mercy on him) said:
The words "Has your devil come to you?" mean: he has made you think that I went
to one of my wives, and because of that you are confused and wondering where I
went.
End quote from Haashiyat as-Sindi 'ala an-Nasaa'i.
Anyone who denies that jealousy may occur among pious co-wives does not know the
nature of women and the way Allah has created them. But the point is that piety
and fear of Allah prevent any evil consequences of that and protect them from
wrongdoing and mischief.
Abu Dawood (3931) and Ahmad (26365) narrated that 'Aa'ishah (may Allah be
pleased with her) said:
Juwayriyah bint al-Haarith ibn al-Mustalaq fell to the lot of Thaabit ibn Qays
ibn Shammaas, or a cousin of his, and she made a contract of manumission for
herself. She was a very beautiful and attractive woman. 'Aa'ishah said: She came
to ask the Messenger of Allah (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) about
her contract of manumission, and when I saw her standing at the door, I did not
like it, because I realized that the Messenger of Allah (blessings and peace of
Allah be upon him) would see in her what I saw.
She said: O Messenger of Allah, I am Juwayriyah bint al-Haarith and there has
happened to me that of which you are not unaware. I fell to the lot of Thaabit
ibn Qays ibn Shammaas, but I have made a contract of manumission for myself and
I have come to ask you about my manumission. The Messenger of Allah (blessings
and peace of Allah be upon him) said: "How about giving you something which is
better than that?"
She said: What is that, O Messenger of Allah?
He said: "I will pay off your contract of manumission and marry you." She said:
I accept.
The people heard that the Messenger of Allah (blessings and peace of Allah be
upon him) had married Juwayriyah and they released the captives they were
holding and set them free, saying: The in-laws of the Messenger of Allah
(blessings and peace of Allah be upon him).
We have never seen a woman who brought more blessing to her people than her.
Because of her one hundred families of Banu'l-Mustaliq were set free.
Classed as hasan by al-Albaani and by the commentators on al-Musnad.
Despite the fact that she was jealous of her the first time she saw her, she
described her as being a blessing for her people.
The policy of the Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) with his
wives was an additional factor in creating closeness between them, as he showed
kindness to all of them. He did not stay away from one of them until her turn
came, which would make her feel lonely and increase any jealousy in her heart;
rather he would meet with all of them together every night.
Muslim (1462) narrated that Anas said: The Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah
be upon him) had nine wives, and when he divided his time among them, he did not
come back to the first one until the ninth day. Every night they used to gather
in the house of the one whose night it was.
And 'Aa'ishah (may Allah be pleased with her) said: Every night he would go
around to all of us, and would come close to each wife without being intimate,
until he reached the one whose day it was, and he would spend the night with
her.
Narrated by Abu Dawood (2135); classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh Abi
Dawood.
Al-Qurtubi (may Allah have mercy on him) said in al-Mufhim (13/90)
He used to do that so as to comfort them and reassure them, until he would leave
them and go to the one whose day it was, and he would leave them feeling
content. End quote.
An-Nawawi (may Allah have mercy on him) said:
This hadith demonstrates the good attitude that the Prophet (blessings and peace
of Allah be upon him) had and how he showed kindness to all. End quote.
Sharh an-Nawawi 'ala Muslim (10/48)
Al-Bukhaari (4793) and Muslim (87) narrated that Anas (may Allah be pleased with
him) said:
When the Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) married Zaynab bint
Jahsh he offered a wedding feast of bread and meat. I was sent to invite people
to the meal; some people would come and eat, then leave, then more people would
come and eat, then leave, I called people until I could no longer find anyone to
invite, then I said: O Prophet of Allah, I cannot find anyone else to invite. He
said: "Clear away the food." Three people remained in the house, talking. The
Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) went out and went to the
apartment of 'Aa'ishah, where he said: "Peace be upon you, O people of the
household, and the mercy of Allah." She said: And upon you be peace and the
mercy of Allah; how did you find your wife, may Allah bless you? He visited the
apartments of all of his wives, one after another, and said to them the same as
he had said to 'Aa'ishah, and they responded as 'Aa'ishah had responded.
The report narrated by Muslim says: He went around to his wives and greeted each
one of them, saying: "Peace be upon you, how are you, O members of the
household?" And they would say: "We are fine, O Messenger of Allah. How did you
find your wife?" And he said: "Fine."
Al-Qurtubi said in al-Mufhim (13/15):
He went around to the apartments of his wives to check on them, and console
them, or to reassure them and deal with any feeling they might have because of
his marriage to another woman. Hence they responded with kind words, by saying
to him: How did you find your wife, O Messenger of Allah?
The fact that they said such words on the night when this co-wife joined their
number is indicative of their common sense, patience and good conduct, otherwise
that was a time when women would ordinarily be angry and may behave foolishly.
But they were pure and good. End quote.
Sometimes some jealousy would manifest itself in the presence of the Prophet
(blessings and peace of Allah be upon him), but he would manage to calm the
situation down with his wisdom, justice and fairness – blessings and peace of
Allah be upon him.
Al-Bukhaari (5225) narrated that Anas said: The Prophet (blessings and peace of
Allah be upon him) was with one of his wives, when one of the Mothers of the
Believers sent a bowl in which there was some food. The one in whose house the
Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) was struck the hand of the
servant, and the bowl fell and broke. The Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah
be upon him) picked up the pieces of the bowl, then he began to collect the food
that was in it, and said, "Your mother got jealous." Then he made the servant
wait until the bowl belonging to the one in whose house he was, was brought. He
gave the intact bowl to the one whose bowl had been broken, and he kept the
broken bowl in the house of the one who had broken it.
Sometimes he (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) would mix a little
kindness and humour with that fairness, thus making the matter good-natured and
cheerful after it had been serious or hostile.
Abu Ya'la narrated in his Musnad (4476) that 'Aa'ishah said: I came to the
Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) with some khazeerah (a dish
made with meat and flour) that I had cooked for him, and I said to Sawdah, when
the Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) was sitting between me
and her: Eat, but she refused. I said to her: Either you eat or I shall surely
throw some in your face. But she refused, so I put my hand in the khazeerah and
smeared her face with it. The Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him)
smiled and gave her some with his hand, and said to her: "Smear her face." And
the Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) smiled at her. 'Umar
passed by and said: O slave of Allah, O slave of Allah, and he thought that he
was going to come in, so he said: "Get up and wash your faces."
Al-Haafiz al-'Iraaqi (may Allah have mercy on him) said in Takhreej al-Ihya'
(3/160): Its isnaad is jayyid. It was classed as hasan by al-Albaani in
as-Saheehah (3131).
Then if there are any such feelings left in people's hearts, this is how
people's hearts are, so if Allah wills it will be pardoned and overlooked.
It was narrated by Ibn Sa'd in at-Tabaqaat (8/79) and by Ibn 'Asaakir in his
Tareekh (69/152) that 'Awf ibn al-Haarith said: I heard 'Aa'ishah say: Umm
Habeebah, the wife of the Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him)
called me when she was dying and said: There has been between us what usually
happens between co-wives; may Allah forgive me and you for whatever happened of
that. I said: May Allah forgive you and pardon you for all of that, and absolve
you of that. She said: You have made me happy, May Allah make you happy. And she
sent for Umm Salamah and said something similar to her.
Conclusion:
What is required of the believer, male or female, in such situations and in all
situations, is not to be swayed by human nature or by whims and desires. Rather
he or she should let fear of Allah protect them from enmity and transgression,
and should make the connection between him and the believing slaves of Allah
brotherhood and sisterhood for the sake of Allah. Allah, may He be glorified and
exalted, did not praise His believing slaves for being immune from whims and
desires; rather He praised them for going against their whims and desires, and
for striving to overcome their lower selves for the sake of Allah. Allah, may He
be exalted, says (interpretation of the meaning):
"Then, for him who Tagha (transgressed all bounds, in disbelief, oppression and
evil deeds of disobedience to Allah),
And preferred the life of this world (by following his evil desires and lusts),
Verily, his abode will be Hell-fire;
But as for him who feared standing before his Lord, and restrained himself from
impure evil desires, and lusts,
Verily, Paradise will be his abode"
[an-Naazi'aat 79:37-41].
See also question no. 193041
And Allah knows best.
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